Growing up is difficult. One of the most earth-shattering realizations that every child comes to while graduating towards adulthood is that life ain’t like the movies.
In fairytales and cinema, a short glance between two people catapults them into a whirlwind romance. After a few acts, they ride off into the sunset, happily ever after.
It only takes one experience of unrequited love from a high school crush to realize that life isn’t fair. Some people do serendipitously fall in love, while others can spend decades without ever falling in love.
It is said that it is “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” When you find yourself in love but not happily in love, is it better to stay or leave? The question of whether to save a marriage or to divorce your spouse is a heavy, personal question.
There are many factors that can lead to the shattering of a relationship—infidelity, abuse, stress, and more.
Perhaps the real challenge in relationships and marriages is that people grow up with unrealistic expectations. Through advertising and media, “true love” is depicted as a magical experience that happens effortlessly, giving people the impression that being with someone does not require work.
“We can think more clearly about our expectations from a partner. Research shows that people who have more social resources, and more people to talk to about various issues in their lives, do better in marriage. So in what areas do we want to invest with our partners, and in which areas do we need to invest in ourselves and our personal networks?”
— Why Modern Love is So Damn Hard, Esther Perel
In reality, no matter how well you and your partner know each other, it is unfair to expect your partner to know exactly how to meet your wishes and satisfy your desires without clear communication.
When a marriage hangs by a thread, a certain type of contract can save it. A marriage contract is a tool employed by Orange County’s McNamee Mediations. It is an agreement of the changes that both parties commit to making, and to divorce if otherwise. For some couples, the drafting of a marriage contract is the first time they will have ever discussed problems and solutions together. Or if they have attempted to before, mediation will have been the first time they have done so respectfully, thanks to the impartiality of a neutral mediator.
A silent table with each person holding a phone in one hand is not an unusual sight these days. Families have become people that live together without really living together. It’s easier to sit back and let things fester, especially if you fear that confronting the person you love will erupt into a heated argument.
A mediator does not replace the job of a marriage counselor—a professional that struggling couples should also consider working with. However, a mediator can help draft important paperwork and navigate the following legal proceedings in the event that the agreed-upon changes are not made.
If you have questions or would like to learn more about implementing a marriage contract for you, give McNamee Mediations a call today.
McNamee Mediations
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660
